Brother Mark, Pt. 1: Portrait of the Past

Part 1 (Portrait of the Past) — Part 2 (Diamonds in the Rough)

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A Portrait of Success

When you think of a successful painting, what do you think of? The Starry Night, by Van Gogh? The Kiss, by Klimt? The melting clocks in Dali’s The Persistence of Memory? They would be paintings that people talk about. Ones valued too high for most people to wrap our minds around. And they are works endorsed by the art world’s elite—the wealthy collectors, the snooty critics, and of course the prestigious artists themselves.

Now I want you to think about what a successful person looks like to you. Would you describe as successful someone who, despite running away at 11-years-old, got their GED and further advanced education? How about a person who managed to work alongside legislators, mayors, and numerous CEOs of Fortune 500 companies? Would you describe as successful someone who went from a tiny flat in New Jersey, to living in a 13-bedroom estate in Florida? What if a person was able to bring in $3,000 dollars a day? Does that sound like success? Maybe if a guy had a wife—a committed mother—who not only takes amazing care of his three children, but who also goes out of her way to help bring up other children in Sunday school at her church—maybe that person would fit into a more wholesome image of success?

Picture Perfect

If you can agree with any of those definitions, Mark Gray has been successful. He grew up in New Jersey, raised into a large, hard working family—8 siblings born to the same parents; an unbelievably sweet, loving mother; and an often abusive father who was the exact foil to his spouse. Following years of fighting, Mark left home at 10- or 11-years-old. Through all kinds of obstacles, he still managed to get his GED, then proceed to post-secondary education at the Steton Institute and the Academy of Professional Development in Edison, New Jersey.

Using his uncanny ability to relate to people (and some support from his successful siblings), Mark made friends in high places. The list of people who he connected with, the people who sent him Christmas cards, who were invested in him enough to keep recommending him to new jobs and new opportunities is almost unbelievable: Arthur Ryan, CEO of Prudential Investing; Bob Del Tufo, New Jersey’s Attorney General in the early 90’s; then-mayor of Woodbridge, NJ, Jim McGreevy, who would become a state senator and later governor; and so many more.

But it wasn’t strictly his connections that allowed Mark to move up the ladder whenever he wanted. He worked hard. And he worked well. By a number of different ways, Mark came up with methods which saved potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars for a company he worked for, Employment Management, Incorporated. Those savings trickled down to the 100,000+ companies they served, which then helped him rub elbows with several influential CEO’s.

The Other Side

On the back of (almost) every famous painting is an uncolored, usually faded, canvas or canvas-stretcher. While they are typically unpainted, they are rarely blank. These hidden sides carry labels, stamps, insignias, dates, signatures, marks of ownership, and probably a number of scratches on the frame, which can all add value to a work. For example, if a painting has an exhibition label from London’s historical Fine Arts Society, the value would increase. However, if a painting’s reverse side has writing ,labels, and scratches mysteriously absent, that painting is decidedly worthless. Why? Because just by looking at its hidden face, it becomes glaringly obvious that it is fake and inauthentic—an imposter that does not belong in any respected gallery.

Likewise, a person (even with all of Mark’s qualifications for success) would probably be considered a failure if he needed both his hands AND feet to count the number of times he’s been to jail or prison. You probably wouldn’t think the person with a failed marriage and divorce is successful. I doubt you would look at a man sleeping behind—nonetheless eating out of—a dumpster, then think to yourself, “That is success!” Nor would you think someone could possibly be successful if they were addicted to cocaine and heroin, mescaline and LSD, Purple Haze and alcohol, Quaaludes and Red Devils, Tuminals and more. Likely not the person who, after over 40 years of life, can think of nowhere to turn except suicide.

The Other Side of Mark’s Life

As mentioned earlier, Mark had a rough childhood. He had a father who told him in so many ways, both explicitly and implicitly, “You are worthless.” After so much contention and fighting against him, Mark fought his way out of his home. Depending on how Mark feels like telling it, he either ran away at 10- or 11-years-old or his father kicked him out. Heartbreaking as it is, even at that young age, Mark already started using a number of drugs.

He was on the streets. But on the streets he felt more comfortable than he did in his own family’s house. He was told, “You are nothing,” that he belonged on the streets. He felt like it too.

Because of the network he was blessed with—both through his siblings and later through work—he was able to find some support in between his binges and benders. That’s how he got his GED and his other qualifications. You can believe that network was how he kept such incredible jobs despite the shambles of his personal life. But as for how Mark did such incredible work at those jobs… it wasn’t in weeks or months between relapses—he did it in the days between long nights of drinking, smoking, snorting, and hustling.

A Felon’s Portrait

Mark would go to work in khakis and dress shoes, but leave wearing jeans and his scuffed up Tims, going straight to his corners and alleys. He dressed rougher to lead a rougher life. And he dressed more comfortably to lead the life he was more comfortable in.

This man didn’t feel he fit in when he worked in any of the various offices. He had been told he was worthless, that he would amount to nothing. So he kept asking himself, “Why try to be something?” He wasn’t like all the “truly successful” businessmen around him. Mark felt like an imposter through and through. He was angry at his past, frustrated with his present, torn apart by his habits, and feeling like even less than nothing because of how his conscience weighed on his mind.

Drugs helped him ignore those feelings.

But it always caught up to him. He might have had nice work at times, but no money is ever enough to fuel an addiction. He had to scam, scheme, lie, cheat, rob, steal, shakedown, and fight tooth-and-nail to get more drugs to pour into the bottomless pit of his soul. In case you weren’t aware, everything mentioned in that last sentence will land you in jail, if not prison. And jail was exactly where he found himself, time and time again. Even though he was arrested frequently, Mark actually managed to dodge prison for several years. But name-dropping can only get you so far.

I was in prison and I was gone for a while. My kids they asked their mother, “Where’s Daddy?” We told them “Daddy was working for the state.” And I was—I was in prison, I was working for free. My first wife was a Sunday school teacher. She didn’t sign up for that kinda life.

He was in and out of prison for what added up to years of his children’s lives.

A Life of Value

But a life can’t be so simply compared to oil on canvas. People are works of art, but are created by an infinitely more talented and thoughtful Artist. More than that, even if we do reduce ourselves to mere works of art, we are not subject to criticism by the humans around us. Our value is not determined by the judgments of passersby. We cannot be reduced to our appearance and the labels that people tack onto our backs.

Our value is determined by the same God who lovingly and skillfully created us. The one who judges us is the same One who masterfully drafted us into his work. And he does so with full knowledge of every scratch on the frame, every mark people have slapped on us, and every stamp the world puts on us while trying to impose ownership.

Mark wasn’t in any position to see this yet. His vision was still clouded by the ecstasies and delusions that came with substance abuse. It would take several more years of attempts at erasing his past from memory, marring both his life and the images of those around him. But if I can spoil the ending, he did eventually find where he can fit into God’s masterpiece.

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Part 1 (Portrait of the Past) — Part 2 (Diamonds in the Rough)

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P.S.

I’ll be jumping ahead to the ending again, but I feel I can’t tell Mark Gray’s story without plugging in his current ministry—Gray’s House of Hope. Through this nonprofit he, his wife, and multiple partners in ministry serve the homeless in Kissimmee, FL. They offer food, water, hygienic supplies, clothes, job opportunities, peer counseling, recovery, an incredible amount of love, and the story that tells how much value these hurting humans have.