By Not-Yet-A-Dr. Pack
Every Person in Florida liked New Years a lot…
But this grinch, who lived in the middle of it, decidedly did NOT!
This grinch hated New Years, New Year’s Eve and all!
Now don’t ask why, it brings up things he won’t want to recall.
It might be the Taylor Swift song stuck in his head.
It might be allergies from the hair his dog had shed.
But it’s possible the most likely reason,
Is that half of his heart had recently gone missing.
Whyever he was grumpy, his dog or his heart,
On New Year’s Eve he was angry from the holiday’s start.
He sat in his messy home, with an awfully anxious look,
As he thought about the parties of which the Floridians partook.
For he knew each person and their cousins from outta town,
Would be picking up bubbly drinks to later guzzle down.
“They’re cooking black-eyed peas and collard greens!” he muttered half-stunned,
“Next year is tomorrow! The countdown’s begun!”
This grinch just sat there, scratching his bearded chin,
Thinking, “This crazy holiday, it must be FORGOTTEN!”
For in just a few hours, he knew…
That people in the cities all ‘round,
Would be huddled together, chanting a count down.
And then! Oh, the noise! Those bangs and those booms! Those sounds, those terrible, deafening sounds!
That’s one thing he hated! The Sounds! The loudest SOUNDS! SOUNDS! SOUNDS!
Then those lousy old people, they’d grab all kinds of whiz-bangers.
With a little bit of fire, they’d light them off for a BANG! For a KABOOM! A BLAM! For POW! POP! BANGER!
They’d wave around sparklers and throw snapping-sprangers.
This grinch couldn’t stand their fiery cling-clangers!
THEN there was the thing that made him feel the most burnt.
His friends who were coupled, and even those who weren’t,
They’d count down from 10, ending with a great shout:
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!
and smooch together their snouts!
Yes, with joy they would shout! They would SHOUT! SHOUT! SHOUT!
As if moving forward were something to be joyful about!
And for the sake of one kiss, they’d throw decency out!
This grinch was angry, thinking, “For years I loved this special day!”
“But now I must forget! I can’t let last year go away!”
Unfortunately, this grinch already had thoughts of how.
He had HORRIBLY fantastic thoughts of how!
“I’ve got just the plan!” this grinch grumbled with no hesitation.
See, for the past month and a half he faked a lack of motivation.
This grinch knew his home’s lease expired the thirty-first at midnight,
And he used
that knowledge to get rid of his problem… to friends’ and families’ fright.
“All I need do is procrastinate,” this grinch decided in the past.
Though his deadline to move was approaching quite fast.
Lucky for his plan, there were none to nay-say him.
There were none who could stop the impending moving-mayhem.
There was only his dog, Julep, who wouldn’t judge or condemn.
She just lay sad at his feet, looking at his things and shuffling around them.
As U-Haul boxes arrived, They stacked themselves up,
He lazed around and pretended, That they were happy, he and his pup.
That is, he pretended until all his time ran out,
And he had only hours to box up his home and ship it en route.
Everyone else was at parties with cheese and with crackers,
Promising “New Year, New Me,” and to stop being slackers,
All while this grinch was embracing his life as a box-packer.
He popped open the cardboard and taped those cubes together.
“I can do this!” he thought, “At least with the help of my brother!”
This grinch and his brother had done this plenty of times.
But for a moment, he asked, “Can I finish before 12 o’clock chimes?”
The doubt passed soon enough, it couldn’t stay long.
He had no time for regrets, no time to think what he did wrong.
He only had time to organize and to sort.
So he grabbed up the first thing, some kind of equipment for some kind of sport.
Nervous and out of time, he had all kinds of stress,
But he had to load up those boxes, this grinch was feeling hard-pressed.
Textbooks! And candlesticks! Couch cushions! Fans!
Mason jars! Hiking sticks! Glasses! And cans!
Some were packed gingerly, and carried out with care.
Others were crammed haphazardly, and thrown everywhere!
With garbage bag in hand, he tore through the pantry.
He threw out the canned beans! He chucked the old candy!
He emptied the freezer of freezer-burned chicken.
This grinch left nothing that could ever be eaten!
Then he crammed all the furniture and decor into storage,
While half-eaten food and broken electronics hauled out like garbage.
But as this grinch began heaving trash to the dump,
A voice grumbled, “Why carry all that junk like a chump?”
That voice belonged to a man who he very well knew,
A man he called “Dad,” with all the know-how and know-what-to-do.
This grinch thought he had it, he didn’t need a hand.
But Dad knew he would need the help of a small band!
Dad queried and quizzled, “Why work so hard?”
“And why did you wait, laying around like a lard!?”
This particular grinch, he had something to hide,
So he disclosed a bit of truth, alittle whitelie:
He sadly stammered out, “Well, my Dearest Ole Dad,”
“I suppose it’s an issue that I have always had.”
“I was born lazy, you know that better than most.”
“I dilly-dally best of all, although I shouldn’t boast.”
After many talks like this, he reverted the conversation,
And soon, item by item, they began relocation.
With so much to heft, heave, and haul off away,
Dad’s truck bed and trailer so full they had to pray it would all stay.
They carried away every couch, chair and table,
Till that first load was full, every box with a label.
No place to rest, and no time to be comfortable.
After the first haul there were only a few little things,
According to plan, he just had to grab some doodads, utensils and shoe strings.
Same as the last, he flung those last things,
But still not on time, he rushed those bags of trash, doodads and shoe strings.
‘Twas close to twelve o’clock, neighbors waiting on their toes’ tips,
Readying their pop-poppers and pursing their lips!
This grinch still packing, now practically racing,
Even boxing his own snappers and holiday lacing!
Dad was now leaving, hitching up his truck.
This grinch was holding bags ready to be chucked.
“Forget this whole night!” he grinchishly grunted.
“All this work is fantastic! my emotions are stunted!”
“No time for sadness, while I’ve been so full of stress!”
“No time for depression, with all this busy-ness!”
“Most every thought of a New Year I was able to dismiss!”
With a smirk on his face, he said with elation,
“I’ve done it! I’ve beaten down every last sad emotion!”
But just as he said it, he saw a burst in the night.
With a BOOM-CRACK to follow that blooming fire-light!
Then more lights! More bursts! And more flashes!
More bangs! More booms! Even more crashes!
With each new explosion, this grinch was amazed!
His head had gone spinning, he was all in a daze!
He had suddenly realized, like it or not…
Now he had to face a New Year he had given no thought!
He didn’t forget to feel bad and the New Year wouldn’t stop.
He just packed and boxed feelings of stress over top.
Standing in piles of trash and mounds of memories,
This grinch stewed in emotions and remembered miseries.
“I tried so hard to get away from this brand New Year!”
“I want so bad to stay in the last one, with everything I loved so dear.”
He wasn’t quite sure what to feel or what to do?
Until he had a small thought, then all of a sudden he knew,
“Perhaps,” his thought went, “New Years isn’t only for resolutions of new.”
“I can just as well resolve to hold my past in full view.”
You might wonder how that worked out come New Year’s Day?
Well, he’d tell you, this grinch didn’t grow a new heart right away.
But something was changing, besides the calendar.
As the night turned to day, he had learned to surrender—
To give in to hope, for what the future might hold,
And he,
HE HIMSELF! That emotional old grinch was consoled.