During the Fall of 2012, Cassie and I started classes at Johnson University Florida (formerly Florida Christian College, may it never cease!). The person in charge of assigning rooms to new students was Bob Mehlenbacher, who is married to the woman that Cassie would later do children’s ministry with, and whose entire family we considered some of our best friends. She was placed in dorm #441 with a senior student whose family (the Smiths) had been involved with the college since it’s inception, a sophomore student who is also tied to that family, and another freshman, Ashton, whose grandfather had their dorm building named after him. Cassie had no virtually no relation to the school, but her roommates later decided that Cassie was an honorary member of their families, adopting her into their lives. Cassie called all three of them “mom” whenever she needed anything. You honestly couldn’t have imagined a more providential room arrangement.
At this time, a dream popped into Cassie’s head. She wanted to start a blog. So, because she loved her roommates so much, she immediately got to work making a draft of the first post for Room 441’s blog (which I edited for grammar and included above). Cassie never took the idea any further than that, but she and I talked on several occasions about starting one again. We could never settle on a topic or theme, but the discussion would come up every few months.
My experiences since her passing have inspired me to write more while also giving me a topic to write about. Given my familiarity with grief, I feel confident being able to share how I’ve dealt with it. I wanted to write about how God can pull us out of any tribulation and into his kingdom for joy-filled work. But for every trial I can’t speak to from my own past, I know someone in our community can. With all that in mind, From the Dust was born! A blog split into two parts:
The first half I named If Cassie Could Sing after one of Cassie’s favorite songs, How He Loves by John Mark McMillan. There are a few different versions of the song, but she loved the special-cut, extended version of the song performed by McMillan. In that one, he sings to the reason the song was written—as a tribute to his friend, youth minister Stephen Coffey, who died in a car accident, and who just prior to the accident had said, “I would give my life today if it would shake the youth of the nation.” McMillan’s words on the extended version were sung through tears and with a shaky voice,
I know that I still love you God despite the agony.
See people, they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he’d say it’s not true
’cause your good.”
The song would shake the youth of the nation as it became one of the most popular worship songs for several years after. How He Loves became an extension of Stephen’s ministry and a way of remembering him; it was a means for McMillan to cope with grief in a faithful way, and to incorporate the experience into a ministry of his own. Because Cassie loved the story of the song as well as every opportunity she had to sing it, the lyrics seemed a great way to explain the purpose of this part of the blog—I’m writing it to share the memories of her, to continue the ministry that was her life, and to share how I’ve tried to cope with grief in a faithful way, hoping that it can help anyone else dealing with loss.
The second half is just now getting kicked off, as I’m beginning to gather individuals’ stories. It’s name will be From Test to Testimony. I intend to share the stories of people in our church and community who have wrestled with a wide range of terrible circumstances, at this point ranging from homelessness to diseases with dreadful prognoses. The goals are to validate the difficulties of the people interviewed, to make known the struggles of people in our own community, and to encourage others with these stories of triumph.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1
P.S.
The content of this post is sort of addressed in the About the Blogs page on the website. But today I officially announced the website to more than just family and my closest friends. Posts prior to this one were just made as a means of expressing the things weighing on my heart, while letting me nominally check off “make a blog” from Cassie’s “bucket list”. Today marks 6 months since Cassie passed away, so it seemed like a good time to start doing something more with this collection of writings I started.
P.P.S.
Today was also Johnson University Florida’s dedication ceremony for it’s new Commons building. Getting that new facility up and running has been Bob Mehlenbacher’s work for the past several months. I did not expect a dining hall dedication to be emotional, but it turned into a perfect storm of tear triggering events: I got to spend time with our neighbors from back when Cassie and I first married, the decorations at the event had “Cassie” (figuratively) written all over them, I got to sit next to our dear friends’ newborn baby, I stepped into the bathroom to wash my hands only to find that the song Cassie walked down the aisle to at our wedding was playing over the speakers, and then to top it off, Bob cried when he started talking about how grateful he was that everything had come together so well! Needless to say, the moment turned into a roller coaster of happiness and heartache. In the setting of the ceremony though, I couldn’t help but think of how much Cassie would have loved to celebrate today with the Mehlenbachers and with the other alumni. She would be especially proud of Bob and our family at that school. I know I am.
Cassie on our last day at Johnson, flying a kite where the JUFL Commons now stand
