If there was one thing Cassie hated, it was weddings. She used to love them until she had to have one for herself. The running joke leading up to our wedding (and for a long time afterwards) was that we had a wedding because I wanted it, not because Cassie wanted it. If we did it her way, we probably would have just eloped. It was a lot of work, a lot of planning, a lot of stress, a lot of drama, a lot of decisions, and a lot of money all for just one day, even if it was a fantastic day. Of course, Cassie was lighthearted about it, but she would always say she hated any wedding we went to after ours because they gave her flashbacks to the pain of preparing one for herself. She would be happy for the newlyweds, but she said she would be happier for herself if she didn’t have to go to a party for them.
However, there was at least one wedding that Cassie was really looking forward to—the wedding for some of our best friends, Jenna and Brent. The save-the-date was stuck to our fridge, the invitation to be a bridesmaid was on display, and Cassie herself was bubbling over with excitement. That excitement showed in her conversations with Jenna or with me, the plans for that week and that day, the fact that she was actually super happy about the thing, and the way it spilled over into her prayers.
After Cassie passed, Jenna and her fiancé Brent asked me to stand in Cassie’s place in their wedding (though I admittedly made it an awkward invitation—sorry, Jenna). Let me say, I could not have been more excited to be a bridesman! Since I’ve started this year of trying to do everything that Cassie wanted to, there’s hardly a thing that has made as stoked as this. It’s like everything I could ask for all in one package: a wedding to be at, being exactly where Cassie wanted to be, supporting two of my dearest friends, and going to parties with so many other people I love. What’s not to love‽
When the week of the wedding finally came, I’ll admit, it was a pretty strange mix of emotions. On the one hand, anything having to do with Brent and Jenna’s relationship, any of the parties (bachelor or bachelorette), any time spent with friends I’ve not seen in months, and any reminder of how good God has been to this circle of people had me filled with joy. But there were also plenty of reminders of what we were missing in Cassie, not least of all the many friends and believers who were sympathetic to the grief I’ve had. The Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Rome,
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn.
Friends who were there to rejoice with Brent and Jenna often felt compelled to mourn with me, even though I was very, very far from mourning that day. I made sure to point out that if I was sad at any point in the whole course of events it was only for a second, because just refocusing on the two people the day was about was more than enough to make me overjoyed. When you have such good friends, it’s incredibly easy to rejoice with them.
At points in the week, both Jenna and Brent were a little nervous about being stuck together for the rest of their lives. But they got over it soon enough. There are plenty of moments in life we will wish we did differently: we’ll wish we spent less time at certain jobs, we’ll wish we spent less time with people who are energy-suckers, and we’ll wish that we just spent less. But when all is said and done, we will never wish for less time with the people we love so deeply, especially when they love us in return. This isn’t meant to be advice, but a tribute to my friends who look forward to a life of modeling how Christ cares for his church. So, cheers to those friends and the love they have, the love they won’t regret! Cassie would be proud.
