If Cassie Could Sing
Our Yarn: Knitting, Pt. 1
Cassie had one incredibly specific dream she wanted to make a reality by knitting. For some reason, she never got around to it. But after trying to learn how to knit myself, I’m starting to imagine why.
From Test to Testimony
Jackie, Pt. 1
She is someone who admits she took a very long and difficult road before finding her exit for the straight and narrow one. As she tells it, there is trauma and abuse, adultery and murder, grand theft and homelessness, broken family and loss. Yet at the end of it all there is redemption, restoration, and an incredible child of God with a story to tell.
If Cassie Could Sing
Hot Rod
One of the hardest parts of loss is seeing things finish without the person you started them with. But that shouldn’t mean despair for us. The fact that godly plans do eventually pan out should only give us hope moving forward. A certain friend’s wedding reminded me how.
If Cassie Could Sing
Rituals and Routines, Pt 2
Cass would say over and over in so many ways, “People need structure!” “People need routine!” I’m trying hard to carry this bit of wisdom into my first year without her. And in more ways than one, it might be the most healing thing I’ve done.
If Cassie Could Sing
How a Grinch Stole New Years
Cass and I talked about moving a lot… maybe as a kind of coping mechanism when life got stressful for her. But as eager as I was to be moved out and for everything to be changed, I didn’t really want to do the moving or the changing. So when the time finally came, I found another couple coping mechanisms: one was pretty terrible, the other pretty fantastic.
If Cassie Could Sing
The Christmas Edition
So apparently the “holiday blues” are a thing. I was hopeful I could escape it. But since I got caught up anyways, I realized I needed someone to save me from this new kind of grief.
If Cassie Could Sing
Holding a Candle to God
Cassie’s always wanted to see a sky lantern festival. Though she never got to, I had the chance to light a lantern for her, letting it go while the world around me sang Hallelujah.
If Cassie Could Sing
Where Can I Go? Where Can I Flee? Pt. 2
Cassie loved the sunshine. She also hated the dark. As I explored both beaches and caves in Mexico, I could only think of the way the Light of the World dealt with darkness—by embracing that darkness and loving despite it.
If Cassie Could Sing
Judgment Day
I spent the last couple weeks thinking of responses to the question, “How have you been blessed since Cassie’s passing?” Now with a court date approaching, I had 48 hours to respond to, “How have you been hurt since Cassie’s passing?” So in the course of a couple days, I had to think of what to say that would reflect both Cassie’s love of justice and her love for mercy and grace. I don’t know that there is an easy way to do that. But I tried to as best I could in my victim impact statement…
If Cassie Could Sing
Unorthodox Holidays
Our pineapple plant had a lot of memories tied up in it. Including the life of the pineapple plants it had come from. The last pineapple harvest, we didn’t celebrate as much as we planned. So Cassie promised we would make a huge celebration out of the next harvest–Pineapple Day! It turns out, Pineapple Day was just the made-up holiday I needed as I approach the actual holidays.